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Five Little Monkeys Jumping On The Bed Experience The American Healthcare System
Ouch.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
one fell off and bumped his head.
Mama called the doctor and the doctor said,
“What insurance do you have?”
Four little monkeys jumping on the bed,
one fell off and bumped his head.
Mama called the doctor and the doctor said,
“It looks like we no longer take your insurance. Maybe your kids should try helmets in bed?”
Three little monkeys jumping on the bed,
one fell off and bumped his head.
Mama called the doctor and the doctor said,
“Once again, it sounds like you don’t have one of the three Blue Cross Blue Shield PPO plans we accept (Silver Select, Gold Nugget Baller, or Solid Platinum Balls). Just try to elevate the head so he doesn’t bleed out or anything, I guess.”
Two little monkeys jumping on the bed,
one fell off and bumped his head.
Mama called the doctor and the doctor said,
“I see your insurance has recently changed so we can actually see you. The doctor’s earliest availability for your son’s head injury is in three and a half weeks. What days and times work best for you? Please note, we only have availability during your work hours, more specifically, during two 12-minute slots in the middle of the day.”
One little monkey jumping on the bed,
he fell off and bumped his head.
Mama called the doctor and the doctor said,
“You still owe us $42,068 for your other child’s three-minute Band-Aid fitting appointment. It looks like your insurance denied the claim, which means you’ll either have to pay it in full or we can’t see any of your children. Or their children. Or their loose acquaintances.”
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